I paid to skip the queue and still got dry lines. Ping looked like hope. Statement looked like warning. Company should not need a subscription.
Category: Money Talk
Same number waiting. Still I open the app again. Hope is a stupid habit. So is thinking some random transfer is about to appear tonight.
I can calculate it in a second. Asking for it is the bit that shrinks me. Pride and rent should not share a table anyway.
Drinks, cab, extra pizza, the top I did not need. My maths degree arrives far too late, usually only after the card has already gone.
I am disciplined from Monday through to Thursday night. Then someone says out and the spreadsheet becomes a little rumour that FOMO spends even faster.
Numbers I can do. People I romanticise. That is why the spreadsheet looks adult and my Friday looks like a dare I already accepted tonight.
I tell myself the promotion ends the tight feeling for good. It will help. It will not make me suddenly wise on a Friday night.
New lip, decent coat, nails done before the shift. Nobody has to know the account. Looking costly is the cheapest kind of rich available really.
I feel flush one stupid evening. The app opens and the glow dies. Hope is not a budget. It is a hobby I cannot even afford.
It makes my mouth small straight away. I would rather stay in than do that dance. Pride is expensive. So is pretending I am fine.