Twenty questions I actually get, plus the ones people should ask before they send a novel to my inbox.
1. Who are you?
Ellie. Els if we are past the polite bit. Thirty. London. I manage a warehouse and I write this blog. Blonde, five foot three, brown eyes, smart casual, too much time in the bathroom mirror. That is the useful version.
2. Is this a character?
No. It is me. I tidy a sentence. I do not invent a life.
3. So none of it is fiction?
Correct. Not fiction. I change names, I blur faces, I leave out anything that would blow up someone else’s Monday. The nights, the flat, the job, the cab home, the wanting. That is real.
4. Why should I believe you?
You do not have to. Read it or do not. I am not swearing an affidavit over a leftover milk row.
5. How often do you post?
When I can. I aim for one proper piece a week. Warehouse weeks win. If I go quiet, I am on lates, not missing.
6. What do you write about?
Dating, apparently. The flat. London. Money. Nights out. Hot takes. Sex, when that is the honest subject. Categories are labelled so you can avoid the filthy ones if you want to.
7. Is the sex stuff for anyone?
No. Adults only. If you are under 18, leave those pages. If you do not want it, skip How I Like It and My Sex Life. I will not chase you down the corridor with it.
8. Are you trying to be a sex blogger?
I am trying to sound like a person. Sometimes that person is horny. Sometimes she is adding up a cab fare. Both stay.
9. Do you use your real name at work?
I have a job. I would like to keep it. I am careful on purpose. Do not turn up at a warehouse looking for a punchline.
10. Will you write about me if we sleep together?
I might write about a night. I will not publish your name, your job, or your distinctive tattoo so your sister can Google it. If that still scares you, leave before morning and we are fine.
11. How do I pitch you?
Email or the contact form. Subject line that says what it is. Two short paragraphs. Who you are, what you want, why it fits this site. Link your work. That is the pitch. Not a twelve page deck.
12. What pitches get deleted?
Generic guest posts about productivity. Crypto. Weight loss. Anything that starts with reaching out and ends with a backlink package. Lectures about my choices. Dick pics dressed up as networking.
13. Do you take ads or affiliates?
Sometimes, if I would use the thing anyway and it does not make me sound like a brochure. If a post has a paid link, I will say so. If I have not said so, I have not been paid.
14. Can I reprint a post?
Ask first. Quote a bit with a link and I am usually fine. Copy the whole piece onto your site and I am not.
15. Can I send questions for you to answer?
Yes, if they are specific. “Write about dating” is not a question. “What do you do when he goes quiet after a good night” is. I will pick the ones I can answer without pretending I am a counsellor.
16. Do you reply to every email?
No. I read them. I reply when I can and when there is something to say. If you have not heard back, it is not a puzzle. It is a rota.
17. Are the flatmates in on this?
They know I write. They did not sign up to be content. I keep the worst of the bathroom politics in the house where it belongs.
18. Why are you so cocky?
Some of it is real. Some of it is armour. I would rather be a bit much than sorry in advance. If that bothers you, there are calmer blogs.
19. What will you not do?
Hurt animals. Pretend I am a financial adviser. Give medical advice. Meet strangers from the internet in a car park because they liked a paragraph about cabs.
20. How do I contact you?
The contact page. Form or email. First line should say what you want. Be normal. That is the whole system.
