New lip, decent coat, nails done before the shift. Nobody has to know the account. Looking costly is the cheapest kind of rich available really.
Tag: pride
It is a trick. If I look busy and shiny, rejection cannot land. Then I am on the sofa checking he viewed the story again.
Not sex this time. An actual argument. I put music on and hated myself for listening. Thin walls make you an unpaid bloody little witness.
It makes my mouth small straight away. I would rather stay in than do that dance. Pride is expensive. So is pretending I am fine.
A walk is never just a walk. Travel, outfit, time off the rota. Casual is a lie London tells so nobody notices the standing order.
I know the night bus exists. My feet know it too. Sometimes I pay the stupid fare so I do not think until I get home.
Lip, coat, nails, bus. Nobody has to know the account. This city reads surfaces first. I give it a surface that looks like proper winning.
A wrist in his story is not commitment. It is cover. If I am good enough for his bed I am good enough for face.
Money gone to be ignored faster. I called it efficiency. It was loneliness with a receipt. The app took payment. It did not take me.